Yesterday's Blog

Remember when I said I should refer to yesterday's blog when I have my inevitable next meltdown? Well, I didn't have a meltdown today per say, but my oh my how one day can be so drastically different from the next. I did feel very frustrated and a little angry when I left work and I almost cried while I was driving home. I made $37 tonight. I was there for 4 hours and I made $37 because the restaurant was slow and I was assigned the worst section in the place. Again. This gave me lots of time to run other servers food to their more profitable sections. And while I was running food for all of my "teammates" (for $2.15 an hour), I thought about yesterday. Did I jinx myself by expressing my gratitude toward all things not related to the almighty dollar? Should I too be waving my credit card slips around to show all my coworkers my %30 tip. Should I do a dance for every dime I make? Yeah, I should probably be doing that. Well, with the exception of the blabbing to my coworkers, er , TEAMMATES about how much I've been tipped. That's just stupid. I did a lot of thinking about my attitude towards money and I decided that I've already learned to appreciate the wonderfully simple things in life. I practice gratitude by saying thank you every night before bed for the little things in life.  I choose at least 5 things and I just say, thanks. Thanks for the note, thanks for burrito time with my friend, thanks for the extra delicious Americano, thanks for that one hour when I had zero back pain. You get the point. I am diligent about this and for the most part I think it's a great way to stay grounded about what is important in life. I fear getting so wrapped up in what I don't have that I don't fully experience all the wonderful things I do have. But can I tell you something weird? Very often I find that when I feel truly excited or happy or grateful about something, whoever or whatever is in charge of this energy field, throws me not more of the good stuff, but the complete opposite. So, you like being free of back pain, eh? Well, lets just make sure you can't walk tomorrow. I'm obviously doing something wrong, I think. Maybe. I dunno, because yesterday I was feeling so happy about a note and blah-blah-blahing about how it's not all about money and sure enough, tonight I made very little.  So I guess I got what I was asking for this time? Once again, I've gotten off track. What I really wanted to say in the simplest of terms, and obviously failed at, is SHOW ME THE FUCKING MONEY! I think that has to be my new attitude about money. It just doesn't feel natural to me. I'm Donald Trump. It's like I feel guilty for wanting more of the green, but do you know how much money there is in this world? Tons! There's plenty for all of us. Of course that doesn't mean I'm looking for a handout. I know I have to work for it. which brings me back to the "what am I doing with my life" question. Oh jeez, someone make it stop. I have to move on to a new topic.
And that topic is music. I listen to the radio almost exclusively when I'm in the car. And not satellite radio, but regular ol' ABQ radio. I hear the same songs over and over again and eventually I fall for some of the worst, poppiest music that I know people are gonna judge me for liking. And this latest one is so bad, I can't believe I'm actually writing about it. I thought at first that this song was a new Justin Timberlake (I love him) song, so I shazzamed it. And to my utter horror I discovered it's Justin Bieber song! I new there was something fishy about that "I can be your Buzz Lightyear" lyric. What adult male says that? Exactly. They don't! I was so convinced that someone else HAD to be singing that I went on line and watched the video. It's him. It's all him. And the video is so ridiculous (the youth of today are all sluts) that it almost cured me of this most recent musical affliction. But whenever I hear it on the radio, I turn it up. The song is "Boyfriend" and I can't help but like it. It's just another reminder of how cool I am  NOT. I'm okay with not being cool, though. It seems like so much work and I am very lazy.
Okay, ladies, wish me lots of money, will ya? I found my dream home in the Hudson Valley today. It's $1,000 a month and it's PERFECT for me!
xxJ

PS- Please send positive tab button vibes as well. Thanks.

Money

I need to value it more. Don't get me wrong, I like the stuff and I would like more of it, but I've never been driven by a desire or need to have it. Tonight one of my tables left a note for me on my table that read, "Thanks for the great service!". Do you know how happy this note made me? I was giddy over it. I even took a picture of it. They left me a decent tip, not quite %20, but I didn't care. I just loved that note! I realize it's a good thing to value words of appreciation over money, but I need MONEY and I need to find my inner materialistic mama so I can send her out on a mission. Or something like that. 

What I need to do is find a higher paying job, but the problem is that I really like the one I've got now. Go figure. Am I a simpleton? Perhaps. But I tell ya, I love not sitting at a desk! I love having a flexible schedule, my managers are fantastic, I like most of my coworkers, I love talking to people, and I love never having to take my job home with me! I have dreams about it, but other than that I don't think about my job when I'm not there. Fantastic! And I love playing hostess and doing everything in my power to make sure my guests are happy. I'm a people pleaser and do-gooder. Can I be a housewife who has to throw dinner parties, PLEASE!! 

Why is my tab button not working. This is a new paragraph, FYI. But I think it's going to be about nothing. Actually, it's going to be about running. I have been running on the treadmill because I hate running in the heat. I thought it was going to be torture, but it's not so bad. And I love the Y! It's pretty much a senior center and I'm okay with that. People actually go there to workout. I am so grateful that I did not abandon running. I was so close, but I know I can never give it up. 

I feel gratitude for everything right now. I'm even taking the bad in stride, knowing that it's just part of life and most likely I can learn something from it. I will refer to this during my inevitable next meltdown. 

xxJ

Blogging Just to Get Started Again

Ladies, as promised (okay, mentioned) I am going to start blogging again. I need to do it, man. For me. So selfish, I know. My goal is still to get to NY, but I don't feel the urgency about it that I did when I was miserable in Chicago. That has to change! I need/want to feel that urgency. I don't mind being in ABQ for now. In fact, I'm kind of enjoying it. I'm enjoying the blue skies, the ease of, um, EVERYTHING, the lower prices, my job, being close to some of my family, seeing old friends etc. etc. New Mexico has been good to me in a lot of ways. Now and in the past. I made some of the best friends a girl could ever have right here in good ol' NM. And if you know me, you know that my friends mean everything to me. Most of the good ones are like family to me. Crapsicle. I'm starting to get off track. Lets start a new paragraph, shall we?
My fear about NM is that I'll get too comfortable here and forget that I have this goal to give NY a shot. Therefor, I need to take steps in my everyday life to make sure it doesn't take 14 years for me to get there. The biggest thing that I need to remember is NY has been my dream FOREVER!!! Also, I can't do everything that I want to do or I will never save the money to get out of here. I have to watch my Americano/coffee shop addiction. I need to eat at home more and I need to NOT DATE!!! NO DATING!!! NO DATING!!! But, but, but there's this boy that I've been admiring for so long. NO DATING!!! NO DATING!!!! And that fantastic video that Theresa shared about vulnerability, makes me want to stop staring at the floor whenever I see him and start batting my eyelashes! But NO DATING!!! NO DATING!!! NO DATING!! But I wanna! NO!!! Okay, now that that's settled.
I have learned a very important lesson about myself since I've been back in La Q de Duke. Baby steps are the only ones I can take if I ever want to accomplish anything. Diving into something at full speed does not work for me. Also, I am a great multitasker at work, but not in life. I'm sure I'll delve into that a little more in future blogs.
Enough from me, ladies. Dumb blog, but had to just get myself started again. And if you don't read these I will not be offended. And please forgive all typos and grammatical errors today and forever more. Or until I have the money to hire an editor.

xxJ

PS- I have this weird crush on Ne-Yo. He's kind of funny looking, but I enjoyed the heck out of him on The Voice. And his music is sooo fun!

PPS- Why the hell did Jessica Simpson name her child (her FEMALE child) Maxwell? And why is she calling her Maxi? Ugh! It's just the worst.

PPS- Meh, I got nuthin'

Ow, My Lungs!

Howdy! This morning's run was so hard. It's funny how one day you can feel so strong and then the next you feel like a total weakling. I felt like weakling this morning. The air was so cold, it hurt my lungs. Well, that and the fact that I'm still grossly out of shape. I did feel good about getting it done and hopefully next week will be a bit easier.

Tomorrow I might go to yoga at 8 a.m. or I might not. I may just say 4 workouts is enough for one week and lets move on to beer and football.

G'Night

Noga

Yeah, so I didn't go to yoga. Hence, the tittle of my post, "Noga". Ha! Super C, I can make up words, too! It's fun!

I am now going to give you my lame ass excuses for not going to yoga. I didn't feel like shaving my armpits and it's cold outside. I think I am much more likely to attend a class if it's in the morning. I just want to get it done and move on. AND I just can't seem to get even a little bit enthusiastic about yoga. I know I need it and I know it would be great for my back (and the rest of my body), but it just bores me. Not to worry, though, I will do it soon enough and I will find a way to enjoy it. Oh yes I will.

I did do my push ups and sit ups today so I wasn't a total fitness failure. And tomorrow I will run. I'm actually excited about it.

I think I do want to get married. That's a new thing for me. I've never been into the idea of marriage, but these days I seem to be in love with the idea of love. So, yeah, I'd like to get married, but only if I am head over heels in love with someone. Where are you, someone? Please find me soon.

Love, love, love,
Me

Zumba Hangover? Nope.

After my very interesting, entertaining and ass kicking Zumba class last night, I wasn't sure what kind of run I'd have this morning? I woke up sore (yes!), but extremely motivated to hit the pavement. I think it's the sunshine. NM has the most perfect running weather. This time of year anyway. My run was great! I enjoyed the heck out of it! And that I attribute that to my running app and my sweet, sweet running playlist!

My cat is giving me the Jedi mind trick, but it's not working very well because I have absolutely no clue what he wants?

Anyhoo, moving on. I am not concerned with dieting at all right now. I have no interest in it. I am not a good multi-tasker when it comes to goals. And right now I just want to focus on falling in love with exercise. Not just establishing a habit, but FALLING IN LOVE WITH IT! That being said, after I exercise I have almost no desire to eat junk. Thank god I ran this morning because I have ice cream in my freezer that I am going demolish! There's freakin' chocolate covered potato chips in it! Yes, I did buy that when I was PMS-ing and now I'm going to finish it off. I had kale chips for dinner. It's a good balance. Um... yeah. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Tomorrow I will do push ups and sit ups in the morning. I have apps for both of those activities. I am going to be strong, damn it! I will go to yoga tomorrow night.

G'Night

Yeah, I Totally Ran

Hello Ladies,

I'm back at my favorite coffee shop. I think coming here might be my reward for running. I LOVE this place. And, yes, I followed through and ran/walked like I said I would. It was hard, but not as hard as I thought it was going to be. I think running mostly (back hurt a little after) agrees with with my body. My last couple run intervals were painful, but that is to be expected. The app I'm using is awesome! It lets you play music from your iTunes playlists and notifies you when to run, when to walk, notifies you when you are half way there and tracks your mileage, etc! It makes the whole process so mindless, which I need. In the past I've had to constantly keep an eye on my watch to make sure I was doing my intervals properly and that was no fun. It's bad enough that I have to exercise, I don't want to have to THINK about it, too! The app crashes occasionally, but hopefully they'll work that out. I'm happy with my performance today. I didn't put any pressure on myself and didn't beat myself up for my slow as molasses pace. And I'm looking forward to Wednesday's run!

Goals for tomorrow-

Go to my first Zumba class.
Will not beat myself up if I don't make it all the way through.
Won't worry about that fact that I don't have hips so I will probably look like a major dork.
Put my best effort forth!

I'm so grateful for the most perfect weather possible, especially for running.

xxJ