Yesterday's Blog

Remember when I said I should refer to yesterday's blog when I have my inevitable next meltdown? Well, I didn't have a meltdown today per say, but my oh my how one day can be so drastically different from the next. I did feel very frustrated and a little angry when I left work and I almost cried while I was driving home. I made $37 tonight. I was there for 4 hours and I made $37 because the restaurant was slow and I was assigned the worst section in the place. Again. This gave me lots of time to run other servers food to their more profitable sections. And while I was running food for all of my "teammates" (for $2.15 an hour), I thought about yesterday. Did I jinx myself by expressing my gratitude toward all things not related to the almighty dollar? Should I too be waving my credit card slips around to show all my coworkers my %30 tip. Should I do a dance for every dime I make? Yeah, I should probably be doing that. Well, with the exception of the blabbing to my coworkers, er , TEAMMATES about how much I've been tipped. That's just stupid. I did a lot of thinking about my attitude towards money and I decided that I've already learned to appreciate the wonderfully simple things in life. I practice gratitude by saying thank you every night before bed for the little things in life.  I choose at least 5 things and I just say, thanks. Thanks for the note, thanks for burrito time with my friend, thanks for the extra delicious Americano, thanks for that one hour when I had zero back pain. You get the point. I am diligent about this and for the most part I think it's a great way to stay grounded about what is important in life. I fear getting so wrapped up in what I don't have that I don't fully experience all the wonderful things I do have. But can I tell you something weird? Very often I find that when I feel truly excited or happy or grateful about something, whoever or whatever is in charge of this energy field, throws me not more of the good stuff, but the complete opposite. So, you like being free of back pain, eh? Well, lets just make sure you can't walk tomorrow. I'm obviously doing something wrong, I think. Maybe. I dunno, because yesterday I was feeling so happy about a note and blah-blah-blahing about how it's not all about money and sure enough, tonight I made very little.  So I guess I got what I was asking for this time? Once again, I've gotten off track. What I really wanted to say in the simplest of terms, and obviously failed at, is SHOW ME THE FUCKING MONEY! I think that has to be my new attitude about money. It just doesn't feel natural to me. I'm Donald Trump. It's like I feel guilty for wanting more of the green, but do you know how much money there is in this world? Tons! There's plenty for all of us. Of course that doesn't mean I'm looking for a handout. I know I have to work for it. which brings me back to the "what am I doing with my life" question. Oh jeez, someone make it stop. I have to move on to a new topic.
And that topic is music. I listen to the radio almost exclusively when I'm in the car. And not satellite radio, but regular ol' ABQ radio. I hear the same songs over and over again and eventually I fall for some of the worst, poppiest music that I know people are gonna judge me for liking. And this latest one is so bad, I can't believe I'm actually writing about it. I thought at first that this song was a new Justin Timberlake (I love him) song, so I shazzamed it. And to my utter horror I discovered it's Justin Bieber song! I new there was something fishy about that "I can be your Buzz Lightyear" lyric. What adult male says that? Exactly. They don't! I was so convinced that someone else HAD to be singing that I went on line and watched the video. It's him. It's all him. And the video is so ridiculous (the youth of today are all sluts) that it almost cured me of this most recent musical affliction. But whenever I hear it on the radio, I turn it up. The song is "Boyfriend" and I can't help but like it. It's just another reminder of how cool I am  NOT. I'm okay with not being cool, though. It seems like so much work and I am very lazy.
Okay, ladies, wish me lots of money, will ya? I found my dream home in the Hudson Valley today. It's $1,000 a month and it's PERFECT for me!
xxJ

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