NM Not THAT Bad

Good Morning, Ladies!

I'm back in my favorite coffee shop. And blogging TWO DAYS in a row. I need to get a job. What is wrong with me? I'm currently working for my dad two days a week, which is keeping me afloat, sort of, but it's definitely not going to help me save for my move. Speaking of which, being back here and feeling so relaxed has made it very hard for me to get excited about moving. When I was stressed out in Chicago, I didn't realize there was a different way of life. One that doesn't send your blood pressure skyrocketing, so I was willing to make a potentially very stressful move to a New York. Now I'm unwilling to do that. It doesn't mean I don't want to move, it just means that I won't do it without a solid, foolproof plan. And sizable savings. This means that I may have to finish school here. Ugh. Can I handle a year, probably more, in NM? I honestly don't know? Maybe I'll get fed up and just decide that living in a cardboard box on Broadway and Broom wouldn't be so bad. Who knows? One thing that I do know is that I'm not going to obsess about it anymore. I'm just going to live in the damn moment! And I'm gonna like it!! 

Tomorrow is my first run. I'm nervous. I know my chest is going to ache and burn and it's going to feel like I'm being stabbed, but... but... that's okay... I think. I mean, it will get easier, right? I want to cry. 

I love sitting in coffee shops. I should move to Europe. 

Goal for tomorrow- 

Go for my first of many runs. 

Don't cry running the first of many runs. 

Don't panic while running the first of many runs. 

Don't trip while running the first of many funs. 

Don't puke or allow any unpleasant bodily noises while running the first of many runs. 

Don't beat myself up if any of the above happens or doesn't happen, i.e. I can't complete the run. 

xxJ

Will Run For Beer

Good Morning/Afternoon Ladies! 

I am sitting in a coffee shop because I currently have no Internet at home and I MUST blog! It's time to do this regularly! No more screwing around! It's 2012 and I have some shit to accomplish. As I stated in my end of the year blog, 2012 is all about exercise for me. I must and I will fall in love with exercise of some kind!! I will develop a habit. A healthy one to counterbalance all of my self destructive ones. I mean, who am I kidding? Like I'm ever going to give up booze or cheese or cheese products. 

Last night I met with my new running group. We drank beer and downloaded couch to 5k apps. Off to a great start! Seriously, though, it's gonna be great because we are all starting from zero. I'm grateful to have workout buddies! Yay! We start Monday. Eeek. Oh, I should mention that last week I had to sprint down the concourse to catch my flight to the Chicago. I thought I was going to die! My chest hurt so bad and I coughed for a good 20 minutes. This is not going to be easy. 

I had so much fun last night. I laughed my butt off and I really needed that because it was very hard for me to come back to NM after being in with friends in Midwest for a week. I have to remember that I have  good friends here, too. I have to make the best of my time NM. There's a lot to love about being here. Oh god, that was hard to write. No, really, there is a whole lot to love! There is! Really!

Okay, I'm done for today. I have lots more to write, but I'm gonna try to keep these blogs short. 

Goals for tomorrow-

Prepare for my first run on Monday. 

xxJ

 

Last Blog of 2011

Helllo Ladies! I figured I should wrap things up since 2011 is quickly coming to an end. I haven't blogged much at all in the last 6 months, but I hope to start up again in 2012. Blogging helped me sort things out in a major way. At the beginning of the year I thought my life was headed in one direction, but now I see that, although I'm still on track to accomplish some of the goals I set at the beginning of the year, some goals have changed or been tweaked. I don't know if I would be where I am if I hadn't written down my goals. One thing that hasn't changed is the fact that I still can't spell because I was certain "tweak" was spelled "tweek". This is one hurdle I will have to overcome as the I head down the path to being an ASL-English Interpreter. Moving on...

Who the hell would have ever guessed that I'd be in New F^&#ing Mexico! No disrespect intended, but that was not part of the plan! But here I am and here I will probably end up staying longer than I intended. I refuse to move without a solid plan. And decent savings. I've been a total slacker since arriving here. I haven't even looked for a job. However, I did lots of pondering and that is how I came to sign up for my ASL class. I also did some dating and that is how I came to know that I am NOT DATING ANYONE ELSE IN NM!!! This girl is going to focus on herself once again.

My goals for 2012 are simple. Fall in love with exercise, save money, start learning ASL and hopefully organize a meetup for people who want to practice their ASL skills. I have to find a way to immerse myself in the language because I want to so badly to not only learn ASL, but to be the best I can be at it.

I know this is a very boring blog, but I'm going to Michigan for my annual NYE trip on Friday and I just wanted to get something out there. Including a big thank you for all the support!

Much love to you all!

Happy New Year! May 2012 be OUR YEAR!!!

xxJ

PS- How cool is this???? I can't wait to learn to sign! I want to combine my love of the arts and signing. And I definitely want to work with Deaf kids! Eeee!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUOXSNh9mzk

The Art of the Longest Blog Ever

Today, just so you know, I'm drinking my coffee at home. I am enjoying the pumpkin spice coffee from Trader Joe's. It is so good I can hardly stand it! If you like the pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks, you will want to marry this coffee. It's amazing.

The sun is finally shining brightly today. It makes me so happy! Speaking of being happy, I just started reading "The Art of Happiness" by the His Holiness The Dahlai Lama and Howard C. Cutler. Nice segue, eh? Many years ago I somehow ended up with a copy of it on tape, but during one of my many purgings, I sent it off to the thrift store without ever listening to it. A few years later someone gave me a copy of the book. I think I read a chapter and gave up on it. This year when I was downsizing in preparation for my move,  I put that book in the give away pile and once again sent it off to the thrift store. Two weeks before my move I had a little birthday/going away party and a very good friend of mine from college, who happens to be one of the most positive, upbeat and happy people I know, handed me his copy of "The Art of Happiness", asked me to read it and told me it changed his life. Fine! I get it universe! I need to read this book. And that is what I'm doing. Thank you, Michael. 

After reading three chapters, I have come to the conclusion that I was not ready for this book all those years ago. I'm finding it very interesting now, especially considering my current living/life situation. A few days ago I cut up all of my credit cards and I am now living the life of a deadbeat, which I'm not proud of, but I have felt a certain sense of peace since I decided to live within my means. Even if my means are at the poverty level. My only fear is that people will judge me based on this one action. I'm a very responsible and trustworthy person (I have or had a great credit score), but on paper no one will see that. They will just see "deadbeat who didn't pay her credit card bills". I plan on paying them, but I am hiring a lawyer to help me negotiate a settlement with them. It's better than bankruptcy and if I don't do this, I will never be able pay off my debt. I wish I could go sit on Wall Street with the protesters. You go, young people!

There's one thing in the book that struck a cord with me and I want to share it with you before I sign off. I think it could be a useful tool for anyone who needs help resisting the urge to do something that is ultimately not in their best interest. It would be a great help in all aspects of life, but since I know we all want to lose a few lb's, I think it would be especially useful when trying to resist that damn donut! The book discusses the difference between pleasure and happiness. Pleasure is something that is a momentary good feeling. A fleeting sense of satisfaction. Happiness is stable and persistent and stays with you no matter what your faced with. It's a part of you. And it should be our ultimate goal. So when faced with temptation, ask yourself, is this is going to bring me pleasure or happiness? I've already tried this and failed miserably, but I will keep trying. I'm sure it takes lots of practice, like anything worthwhile.  I'm certain it's worth the effort because imagine how wonderful it will feel when this practice comes naturally to you and you find yourself happy without the donut. 

Goal for tomorrow-

Balloon Fiesta

Nap 

Write a shorter blog

Grateful for-

"The Art of Happiness"

Sunshine

Yummy Coffee

Ft-ers.

xxJ

Coffee Shop Hop

Today I am Satellite. I definitely prefer it to Flying Star, though I think the two are related. I've decided to make coming down here a part of my daily routine until I get a job. And maybe even after I get a job. I keep staring at this guy sitting across the cafe from me. I'm sure he thinks I have the hots for him (remind me to discuss the male ego in a future blog), but really I'm just trying figure out if I knew him at one point in my life. Everyone in Albuquerque looks familiar to me. I haven't lived here in almost 14 years so I'm assuming it's just paranoia. I doubt I know many people here anymore. Okay, I definitely knew this guy at some point. Or not. I should stop staring. I really like staring at people. I'm so fascinated by people and love to people watch, but that kind of behavior can get a girl in trouble. See "stabbing" section from previous blog.

I didn't sleep well at all last night. My Mom's house is old, creeky and not fully furnished. It also has at least 6 doors to the outside. And it's ground level, obviously, and that freaks me out entirely. I'm used living in a fully furnished, semi-recently renovated condo on the third floor with only two doors to the outside. She doesn't have TV either, which is going to change because I can't handle the quiet. It gives me the creeps.

I bet after reading this your asking yourself, if she can't handle the quiet of ABQ, why the hell is she moving to the Hudson Valley? Yeah, I'm asking myself that very same question. And this may be one of the many reasons I was meant to be in ABQ before heading East. To give me a taste of smaller town life. The Hudson Valley is a different kind of quiet, but I'm still questioning if I can handle it. I may have to look into Brooklyn again. No need to make any decisions now, but my inner city girl is definitely starting to question my direction.

I have not had a chile relleno or a sopapilla since I've been back. This has got to change.

Goals for tomorrow-
Blog
Read today's blog so I'll remember what my goals are
Go for a walk

Grateful for-
Coffee money
A perfect place from which to blog
FT-ers.

xxJ

Is This Purgatory?

If you hadn’t figured it out by now, I’m in Albuquerque. I’ve been wanting to blog because I want to keep you gals in the loop. I need my cheering section to be informed so they can coddle me, er, cheer me on! However, I was in such a funk when I arrived here that I decided it was best for me to keep my feelings to myself. I was taking all of my bitterness/frustration/sadness out on Albuquerque and I didn’t want to offend anyone who lives here, loves it here, wants to visit here someday, or drove by and thought “hey, look at all those balloons. Neat!”. It is so hard to go back to a place that you spent your entire life dreaming about getting out of! That being said, I’ve been trying to find ways to appreciate where I am, which is in a beautiful, sunny place where people will knife you if THEY wander into YOUR line of site. Crap. Well, I tried.

Let me try again. New Mexico is a beautiful state. The mountains are gorgeous, the skies go on forever and they are almost always blue. The night air is crisp and stars are bright. The people are friendly (when they’re not stabbing you) and I’m glad I grew up here. I made some of the best friends I will ever have here in NM. And then there’s the green (and red) chile. I’m grateful for my time here if only for the fact that I am part of an exclusive culinary community that knows Christmas can be found year round on a plate in NM.  I love you, NM. I really do. I just don’t want to live here.

I am totally exhausted from the last 9 months of my life, but I can’t seem to relax. I’m still in city mode. Everyone moves so slowly here, which brings the city rage out in me. I know it’s a crosswalk and you have the right of way, but do you have to stroll??? Other people would like to get where they’re going, too, so walk like you mean it!  The sky will still be blue when you get to the other side of the street! I’m looking forward to adjusting to a slower pace. My road rage was ugly and totally unwarranted. Chill out, J!

As soon as I recover from the move, it will be time for me to refocus. I need to start working and saving money for my next move. I fear getting comfortable here and losing site of my NY dreams. I am not allowed to do any acting or dating here! I cannot get attached! I need to be in NY by May! Thank God for my Mom. She will keep me on track. She said that she’s kicking me out if I’m not in NY by May.

Signing off from the Flying Star now. Gotta save something for tomorrow’s blog.

Goals for tomorrow-

Blog

Try a better coffee shop whose wifi is not impossible to connect to

Finish unpacking

Grateful for-

A place to come home to

You girls

The few dollars I have left to my name.

Dion’s

Life

xxJ

PS- I’m also grateful not to be in Nebraska. Driving through Nebraska caused me to suffer a moderate depression. I’m fairly certain that all of the Simpson's characters are based on people who live in Nebraska. Sorry if I offended any Nebraska people, but you sell bumper stickers of little cartoon characters peeing on the name Obama. You are not my people.

PPS- The cost of living here is awesome! And you can actually find stuff at Ross and TJ Maxx. Those places are so picked through in the big city! It’s pointless to even go there.

PPPS- I really enjoyed my Mexican Latte this morning. And I can’t wait to cheer Mel on! And I signed up for a gym membership for only $40 a month!! WTH? It cost $40 for a bottle water in Chicago. Okay, TWO bottles of water. 

PPPPS- My credit union here rules! I’ve had the same account since I was 15 and thanks to technology I don’t ever have to switch banks. Buh-bye forever Chase! You and the rest of the big banks can suck it! I’ll take my lil’ NM credit union and their zero fees for almost everything over the people who charge poor people fees, but let rich people bank for free.

PPPPPPS- There are lots of handsome boys here.

PPPPPPS- NM is going to be a great springboard to NY! 

Gee, blogging helped me improve my attitude. I should do it more often. 

I Don't Make Sense

Today was similar to most other days. I worked, I struggled to eat well, and I let anxiety get the best of me, especially at work. Unfortunately, I'm not living very consciously at the moment, due to my NY OCD.  It is imperative to my health and happiness that I live in the moment and enjoy Chicago rather than obsess about my move. I need to have faith that the move will happen and that it will happen seamlessly and at the right time. This type of behavior is not my strong suit, but I will do my best. And blogging to you gals is going to have to be a part of that. Time to stop being lazy about things that are good for me.

The stress in my life has manifested itself in it's usual way for me; weight gain, fatigue and a feeling of general unwellness. In other words, I feel like shit! All the time. My heartburn is back with a vengeance, my body hurts, I get winded walking up the three flights of stairs leading to my condo, etc, etc, etc. I'm going to have to do something about it. I don't want to spend my first few months in NY trying to recover from my last few months in Chicago. I am going to make small changes now so that when I get to NY I will be ready to make bigger ones! 

The first thing I have to do is exercise! But I HATE it! Today I was walking down the street and, as usual, I saw quite a few joggers. After every one of them passed me I though, I hate running. So what do I do when I get home? I buy an app called C25K (couch to 5K). What? Does that make sense? No. I should be looking for something that I would enjoy. This is so typically me, though. In 2004 a good friend of mine told me she was doing a triathlon and I said to her, "YOU ARE CRAZY!" The next summer I did my first (and only) sprint triathlon. The following summer I ran the Chicago Marathon. I used to joke about the insanity of those running 26.2 miles and then I did it. I have to stop exclaiming that I will never do something or I will inevitably find myself doing it! Like the time I bungee jumped. WTH was I thinking?? From now on I will always say, that sounds interesting and someday I might give that a whirl.  Or,  perhaps I should use this character oddity to my advantage and give reverse psychology a try? I DON'T KNOW WHY THE HELL ANYONE WOULD WANT TO COMFORTABLY FIT INTO A SIZE 4???  I AM NEVER GOING TO DO THAT!!!

I also bought an app for push-ups and ate ice cream out of the carton. Like I said, baby steps. 

Tomorrow I have my dumb summer party at work. But, my Mom is coming back so I will be sure not to get too toasted. Once again, Mommy saves me from myself. 

xxJ